Can somebody help me understand why so many people find kissing to be an acceptable professional greeting?

THE SCENARIO: several people huddled around a conference room table. In walk a few additional people critical to the meeting, one of which is a woman dressed in professional attire with a briefcase slung over her shoulder.  Instead of handshakes all around, the scene develops into an awkward exchange where each male leans in to kiss his female counterpart. Other participants then feel obliged to join the orgy and before you know it more spit has been swapped than words exchanged. 

THE QUESTION(S):  how did this come to pass? Is it some strange, residual leftover from the male chauvinist world of the 1950s – it’s uncool to grope now but maybe we can still get a little something? Or do professional women really enjoy this form of greeting?

Let me say at the outset that I am all for a peck on the cheek with a friend at a social gathering.  I’m simply curious as to how we have come to accept a kiss as a way to greet our banker or business colleague.  I feel a bit like Jerry Seinfeld when he decided to take himself out of the “kiss hello” program in his apartment building. He became ostracized as he struggled to avoid the seemingly obligatory smooch with every female tenant as they crossed paths during the day. I certainly don’t want that, and I’m willing to make an exception if the girl is bringing the goods, but can we all agree it should be a rare thing to see multiple kisses at the beginning of a business meeting?  Maybe we are still getting used to the co-ed office and it will take a generation or two to iron this out, but I for one am loathe to greet my female friends in a business setting like it is Saturday night at the bar.

Judging by the loose metrics I am keeping, I seem to be an outlier here.  Struggling for acceptance, I have found a nice rhythm allowing the woman to make the first move. I keep the pheromones in check, and wait for her to either extend her hand or lean in for some love.  If I were a betting man, I would say most women appreciate this. I simply cannot believe a professional woman wants to be kissed multiple times in a business setting.  With cold and flu season upon us, the odds have to be getting better.  I know I would rather get down to business after a firm handshake, perhaps a hug for my closest male (and female) friends. But it is handshakes all around if more than four people are present.

I think I will send this along to the local business etiquette press.  There have to be rules around the “kiss hello” program for the office.  In the meantime, I will be diplomatically dodging that first move, deferring as a gentleman should to the ladies in the room.

Just a quick humor post this week.  This was inspired by a work colleague a few years ago and dusted off the shelf for some fun.

OFFICE ETTIQUETTE – TRASH CANS

THE SCENARIO:  It’s 9am and your colleague arrives in your office for the meeting with an apple and coffee cup in hand.  He proceeds to devour the forbidden fruit as you explain the issue de jour, slobbering a bit as he washes this breakfast supplement down with a hearty swig of swag coffee.  After a brief discussion, you watch in horror as the backwash laced coffee cup and saliva infused apple core are deposited in your trash can and your colleague heads to the head.

THE QUESTION:  Is this legit/cool/kosher?

THE ANSWER:  Absolutely NOT.  Your co-worker has violated your personal space by depositing his slobber-soaked waste in your office trash, leaving it to slowly rot and fester throughout the day as you try in vain to ignore it.  No, my friend, this practice should not be tolerated.  It is your trash can, not a dumping place for others’ waste.  If you fear conflict, here are some helpful tips:

1. Hide your can under the desk far away from the door (though this can seriously backfire with a persistent guest);
2. Make meeting times with an offender later in the day to reduce the risk of “snacking” or to at least reduce the time his waste sits in your office;
3. Make a joke about how nasty a day old apple core or banana peel smells;
4. If all else fails, meet in his office and bring with you a slab of liverwurst and limburger cheese which you casually discard in his can after a brief discourse.

NEXT ISSUE:  The used tissue…